LegalCleric69
YTA. Did you even ask if it was hostile? Or did you just see horns and think “punch cow-man”? This is why barbarians have bad rep in HR.
AITA for turning my goblin horde into a cooperative for artisanal textiles?
Greetings, dwellers of the realm. I (138M, goblin ex-warlord) have a problem that plagues my mind more than any raiding party. I have, for generations, commanded a fearsome horde of goblins. Our days were filled with the noble pursuits of pillaging, looting, and setting fire to things. We were good at it. Mostly.
Then, about six moons ago, a few of my boys - Squeak, Jibbin, and Gurgle — found a chest in a wizard’s tower. It wasn’t gold or gems. It was full of wool, knitting needles, and a book titled “The Joy of Stitching: An Introduction to Fiber Arts.”
They started… knitting. At first, it was small things. Scarves. Mittens. Then came the Goblin-Made Woolen Mittens of +5 Warmth, which they sold for a shocking price to a frost giant. The hoard saw the gold, and suddenly, every goblin was demanding a loom.
My raiders are now weavers. My pillagers are now purlers. We no longer raid the elven caravans. We sell them hand-dyed shawls and bespoke ponchos. Our war-chant has been replaced with the gentle clicking of knitting needles. Our battle-standard now depicts a magnificent tapestry of a goblin riding a yarn ball. I renamed the horde “Grumblag’s Glorious Garment Guild.”
The problem? My sister (and rival warlord) says I am a disgrace to the family. “You’ve traded the roar of battle for the clack of a spindle!” she sneered during our last meeting (which was to negotiate wholesale prices for our new line of fortified felt tunics). She says my horde has gone soft and that our ancestors must be spinning in their graves. My own goblins seem to like the work, they only complain about carpal tunnel where they used to complain about missing limbs.
Am I dishonourable for choosing profit and artistic expression over the traditional (and honestly, less lucrative) path of goblin warfare?
Court of Publick Opinion
Section titled “Court of Publick Opinion”DwarvenMiner_88
NTA. This is a brilliant business model. You’ve identified a niche market, leveraged your workforce, and created a sustainable enterprise. The goblins of the Iron Hills would call this… innovation. Just make sure the quality control is up to snuff. I hear they use rusty needles.
SirBartholomewTheTrue
NTA. I admit, I am relieved. My village has not been set ablaze in months. Instead, we have received a lovely set of hand-knitted potholders, which, while not a substitute for a strong border patrol, are quite cozy. You’ve achieved a rare feat: a peaceful, albeit strange, goblin horde.
DragonLordIgnis
NTA. You’ve turned a hoard of unruly peasants into a productive asset. I myself have a growing collection of artisanal human-made rugs and tapestries. Perhaps you could supply me with a new line of fire-resistant cloaks? We could discuss wholesale prices.
ZogTheImpaler
YTA. A pathetic display. A goblin’s life is about blood, filth, and the joy of breaking things! You have turned your kin into a bunch of whimpering grandmas. I bet you even use soap. For shame! You bring disgrace upon us all! I spit on your “guild”!
ArchMageElara
INFO: Do the “fortified felt tunics” have any magical properties? Like a resistance to fireballs? If so, NTA, and please send me your catalog. I am running low on enchanted robes.